From the moment I met you, everything had new meaning.

Gavin!!  Overnight!!  You took one teensy step last night, then all the sudden out of nowhere, you're taking four and five step walks all over the place today!!  I was totally waiting for the all fours walk that most kids do before they turn into bipeds.  Not you!  Straight from crawling to walking.  I couldn't be more proud of you, and more afraid for the dogs (chuckle). 

You're turning into such a big boy, and doing so many things.  You are still such a little monkey.  I have found you on tables, chairs, tops of the couch/recliner, all over the place.  And afraid of nothing.  You scale things like it's your job.  You do pull ups on whatever surface you can't readily get a footing on to climb on.  Strong little monkey...

I am just still in shock that all the sudden you're walking.  :-)  I'm one proud mama bear today.

Hi Kiddo... You're a year old and some change today.  I'm supposed to be excited, and all I can muster is somewhat blue.  I'm so sad that my baby is no longer, and you're a full fledged toddler.  You're turning into this teeny person right before my eyes, with opinions, expressions, tastes, and feelings.  You're on the move now more than ever these days.  You want to walk, but you find it faster to crawl, though you know it's not necessarily more efficient.  You just don't quite trust yourself to take that first step yet, but all in due time.  You climb like a little monkey!!  You climb everything you can.  You've tumbled a couple of times, and normally it scares you more than it ever hurts you.

You're hitting and pulling my hair lately.  You even bit me for the very first time today.  Seems frustration is running a muck lately with you.  You won't listen to the ah-ah's or no.  You don't come back when I need you to.  And whatever is frustrating you winds up reeeally frustrating me on the back end, little man.  I'm not sure what path to take on how to structure you as a human being, on what is acceptable behavior.  How to establish the lines of communication.  Oh.... how much easier it would be if you could just *tell* me what you need.  Sometimes you don't seem to *need* anything at all.  I suppose we just need to get back to basics and get you back on a rigid schedule to put you at ease.  You thrive best on schedules and organization; better than any baby I have ever seen, actually.

I guess that is what makes me sad the most.  The fact that you now demand more than just a simple cuddle and tickle to make things right with the world.  Nay.  You actually push away now.  Apparently hugging is not cool in the playgroup set anymore.  I missed that memo.  You now demand more interaction with other people other than your mama.

It all hit me tonight when you were eating your own dinner.  Content to independently be chowing down while your father and I ate beside you.  You no longer want to be fed, but to feed yourself.  You are an amazing eater, having eaten such a wide variety of flavors, textures, spices.  You eat what we eat now.  I just chop it up in small small bites, and you enjoy picking up, chewing, manipulating all on your own.  Discovering combining flavors, new flavors, textures...

I'm in uncharted territory with how to parent you next.  I'm seeking council, and I'm sure I'll find the answers I need as you grow up, it's just bittersweet in the meantime to watch my little baby turn into a little boy.

You'll have to pardon me, Gavin, for sounding all jumbled and rambled.  It's hard to encapsulate my intense feelings on this incredible eve of your birth.

One year ago, I rubbed my belly in anticipation, love, fear.... You were to be here soon.  They say babies change everything.  Nobody is ever specific on what these changes are; just clouding it up in "everything."  I made sure the bags were in the car.  I made sure your nursery was ready to every last detail.  I didn't scrub the tub.  Or mop the floors.  Or clean our room.  You have no idea how those little details weighed on my mind.  Something big was due to happen, and I felt like I was unready simply because the tub wasn't clean.  You'll find that's just one of those things with your obsessive mother.

I look back on the day before your birth, and it's fuzzy somehow.  My memories from a year ago are in a fog.  I remember looking at the Christmas decorations one last time before I went to bed.  I remember it feeling so weird that you were going to be "scheduled" to be here in the morning.  That in less than 24 hours, I was to be your mother.  No longer just the mother-to-be who carried you in womb, but your pick-you-up, nuzzle-you, take-care-of-you-honest-to-goodness Mama.  I would be able to see if you had my eyes.  I would be able to see your soft face.  Stroke your cheek.  Touch your little feet.  Let your fingers wrap around mine.  I had so many dreams about you, felt you move, talked and sang to you.

I'm still in awe that this incredible blessing is mine.  That you made me a Mama first.  That you will always be my little monkey.  That I can love someone so much.

You're officially 11 inches longer than you were that day.  You have gained 14 pounds in a year.  You're almost walking - so close that it often frustrates you.  You're babbling out words.  Your personality is bigger than you are.  You smile when you see me.  You turn yourself in circles on the floor.  You figured out how to make bubbles with your drool on purpose.  You have real emotions that range from anger all the way to bubbly excited and happy.  You eat so many big people foods!  You can now eat shredded foods, and rarely need them broken down so much into a puree.  You are now drinking cow's milk after having given up breast milk at 10 months of age.  You have taken to it very well.

In this past year, we have gone from familiar strangers to mama and son.  I have been so blessed to be able to be at home with you, and watch you turn into this little person.  To have this opportunity to get to know the little nuances that make you, you.

My son.  My joy.  My heart.  I cry today because of the bitter-sweetness that comes with the joy of watching you grow, and the reality that time slips by too quickly.  Memories fade too much.  But this one thing I know for sure.  You have changed everything.  And I can't remember quite what my life was without you in it.  I'm so grateful for you, and I'm so very proud for you to have reached this milestone. 

I love you.

TEN MONTHS!!  I'm in shock.  I cannot fathom how big you are, much less how you are fitting into clothing that I just put into a bin marked "12 months and up" a mere 11 months ago.  I remember thinking you'll never fit into xyz outfit, and here you are, wearing it, and well, I might add.

You're crawling!  A proper, belly off the floor, crawl.  And you crawl EVERYWHERE.  And get into EVERYTHING.  If it's within reach, it's obviously yours.  Electrical cords, remote controls, papers.... any and everything.  But you are so very proud of yourself.  I walk from the living room to the back of the house, and it isn't two seconds before I hear your hands slapping the floor, crawling behind me.  I'm amazed at fast you are, you little quadruped.  That's not to say you have given up moving on two legs, it's just easier to crawl across the room, than it is to find pieces of furniture to help get you there.  But you still pull up on all kinds of stationary and not-so-stationary objects.  Recently, you found out that a bar stool and gravity are not very compatible when you try to pull up using the top of the stool.  After clonking your noggin pretty good, you sniffled out your protests on Daddy's shoulder, as you had given me a heart attack, and I needed resuscitating.

Halloween was lots of fun!  Nana took you for a night and a couple of full days while your Daddy and I went to a party in Georgia.  You guys had great fun.  In fact, so much fun that she reported no crying, fussing, not one sly look whatsoever... until we showed up to take you home.  You caught a cold while you where there.  You wound up being so terribly sick.  The next weekend, we took you to Spooktacular at the Zoo.  Local tradition of 1,000's of pumpkins, and four times as many people.  Not our brightest idea ever, but we figured we'd give it a shot and if you wanted to leave, we'd take you home.  Not more than half an hour in, and you wanted out.  Right.  Then.  So we packed it up and went home.

I kept you at home the whole following week in hopes of getting you better.  After a trip to the doctor to rule out the flu, we tried eucalyptus baths, vitamin c tablets, and lots of use out of the humidifier.  You just had a nasty head cold.  We got you better, but not before Halloween night.  That night, we went to Larissa's house for a dinner get together and trick or treating.  You got to go on your first trick or treat!  Once we got you outside, you did so good!!  We stopped and headed back after only half an hour or so, but in that time, you did really good in that elephant costume despite the unseasonably warm weather.  You were pitching fits at Larissa's left and right.  You were so uncomfortable and cranky that it would have been embarrassing had it not been so pitifully sad.

The very next morning??  Your fourth tooth!  You got your third one on 10/18/09, and this one was on 11/1/09.  Right and left tops!

Your personality just keeps getting bigger every day.  You squeal, you growl, you wave, you laugh and grin, you give hugs, drooly kisses, you play "bonk".... you put your pacifier in your mouth, then place it in mine, take it out, put it back.... fun little game of back and forth.

You say "Mama!"  I have so been looking forward to this little addition to your vocabulary.  You call Bocephus "Babo" when you see him, and of course, you say "Dada" all the time.  You get the biggest kick out of having lights turned off and on.  You've gotten somewhat attached to this one blanket we have.  A microfiber blue one with green trim.  It's very warm, so that's good, but there was a day when I walked by your crib with you in my arms, and you were reeeeaching.  So I leaned you close, and you pulled your blanket up to your face, snuggled and smiled so big.

Currently, your new favorite songs are The Eentsy Weentsy Spider, The Bumblebee Song, and Twinkle Twinkle.  I enjoy singing every single one to you :-)

You're such a busy boy these days.  It seems to only be getting busier.  In big news, you are standing up with the aid of something to pull on all by yourself.  I find you often in your crib, either sitting up, or standing up, waiting on me to come get you, or playing quietly.  You pull up in your playpen a lot, which is sentimental to me because when we first got it, I pointed out to your Grandma that you will probably learn how to pull up in there.  I couldn't have been more right.  We got you a walker this past month, and you have been moving all over the place!  You like to trap Bocephus in the hallway and laugh at him endlessly.  You also like any chance to explore all by yourself.  And you are FAST in that thing!  I put you in it, and I have to jump out of your way!  It's come in handy for a couple games of bumper cars with Sophia as well.  But with all this pulling up and aided walking, you also walk along using furniture!  You've taken a couple of confident proper crawls, but have yet to master balance by yourself to take some steps.  But I'll look up and you're across the room from where I left you by grabbing a hold of whatever furniture is close by and cruising.  I'm thinking you're going to leave crawling behind before you start walking.  You army crawl and roll to get to where you need to go, but you get endlessly frustrated and really prefer standing up to being on the ground.

We made another long trip with you!  Our first trip was by car to Washington DC, but this trip was by plane to Syracuse, NY!  Flying was going to be a challenge in terms of what we could pack, and also getting your ears through take offs and landings.  You did really well on the shorter jogs from JFK to Syracuse, but the longer flights from JFK to Jacksonville really didn't suit you too well.  On the flight up you did just fine, but on the way back, because of the hour, it was hard getting you to stay asleep in my arms.  You're very much used to your crib, and had quite a few sleeping problems while we were there.  Once we got to our destination though, you were quite the charm.  You got to see Uncle Kevin and Cousin Timmy again, and this time, you were a lot more interactive than when you saw them last in February.  Just goes to show you what happens in a few months.  We surprised your Great Grandmother!  The last time she saw you, you were still in my belly.  She delighted in meeting you, and playing with you with her telephone and her kittens.  You got to pet her horses, too.  You got to meet your Grandpa Young for the very first time!  He really took to you and liked holding you.  You took his hat a couple of times from him.  You got to help out while your Daddy helped work on Grandpa's house!  Yes, he's building it with his two hands!  You got to meet plenty of relatives at your Aunt Teri's house.  We had dinner and breakfast the next day there.  She provided us with lots of treats for you, and gifted you with some new clothes, even a Syracuse hooded sweatshirt!  She showed you the wind chimes hanging from her trees, and you were completely enchanted.  We also got to go to Aunt Lorie's house to meet all of Grandma Williams' side of the family!  You got to hang from the monkey bars while standing on my shoulders.  You seemed pretty impressed with yourself.  You were on your best behavior there, and LOTS of hands got to hold you that day.  You really enjoyed spending time with Elizabeth, or she enjoyed spending time with you :wink:.  We got to see so much countryside while up there.  Your Dad and I decided to try and make it a yearly trip to go up and spend time with everyone there.

You managed to wave this week!!  We surprised your Grandma Crawley at work, and when you saw a familiar face, you waved at Barbara!  It was really neat to see you do something in a group of people you have never done before.

We got to play with a grown up cup this week.  I got plenty of pictures as I took the top off your sippee cup and let you experiment with drinking from a big person cup.  You managed to get quite a bit in your mouth considering how much of it wound up in your lap, in your seat, and of course, on the floor!  It was completely fun to see how you handled it both filled with water, and empty.  You enjoyed not tumping it over right away.  Instead you seemed to understand how to "drink" out of it, just couldn't get how fast the water comes out.  It was a fun filled day.

We play a lot more together than we used to.  Now I have to use your much shorter nap times to get the house done, because when you are awake, we are interacting and playing together.  We have lots of fun during our days.  Daddy joins in when he gets home from work.  You now say DaDa with consistency, and you both play together in the evenings.  He even gets you from your crib these days when you wake up. 

You're eating a wide variety of foods.  We even found out you like mangoes and plums!  You also enjoy a combination of squash and corn!  We're working on introducing meats and getting more grains in your diet.

You're growing up right before my eyes, my little bug.

You little booger, you.  You're developing fast and furious.  It's something new just about every day to every other day.  In the biggest news, you have teeth!  Your bottom teeth both came in during the same week.  Your first was on 7/31, and the second came in on 8/6.  It was quite a shock when I, as per regular, stuck my finger in to rub down your gums, and there was this little pin point of a nub sticking up.  I called all three grandparents after I took you into your dad to show off your new tooth!  It was quite a big day.

We have had such fun times at the zoo!  We have gone a number of times, and you seem to be adjusting to the Florida summer heat well, so long as you have a sippy cup full of water handy.  So far, you have rode the carousel (you liked it for the first two go arounds, after that, you wanted off.  Quick.), you have fed the giraffes (you didn't want to let go of the branch that the keeper gave us to give to them.  He'd tug, you'd tug... I finally pried your little fingers loose of it, and you thusly looked very confused.), you have gotten splashed by a stingray (you were totally enchanted by them!), and you have rode the train.  You have really come to love splashing around in the play park too!  I sit you next to one of the small fountains coming out next to a manatee and a whale, and you splish splash away. 

You are able to pull to a stand, not only from my fingers, but in your crib!!  August 5, I watched you scoot over to your bumpers in your crib, you put one hand on the bumper, one hand on the crib bar.  With amazing determination, you used every ounce of strength to slowly pull yourself, one fist at a time, all the way to the top rail!  You stood so triumphant!  You've since started pulling yourself up with my fingers and standing like it's your job.  No longer are you very excited to sit up straight.  No.  You are a big boy.  You are to stand!

You are now babbling at a consistent clip.  da-da-da-da-da-da.  Yep.  After all the work on ma-ma-ma-ma-ma-ma.  But when you cry, if your fist is anywhere near your mouth, you eek out mamamamama's like nobody's business.  You like to spit out ah-da-ah-dat's like crazy.  Your little mouth opens so you can see your gums from side to side as you talk to me.  It's the cutest thing.  You also laugh more freely than you used to. 

You're still wanting to crawl so badly you can't stand it.  You can get up on all fours and rock back and forth.  I'm suspecting you'll figure it out in a week or two.  If not, I can bet you'll be figuring out walking pretty soon!

You are eating a variety of foods!  I still make everything from scratch, but here is what you have had so far that you like: peas, asparagus, pears, butternut squash, sweet potatoes, zucchini, avocado, bananas, plums, cheerios, banana puffs, veggie wheels.  You get such variety!  And you like most of it!  That is what befuddles me since I'm such a picky eater.  Apparently, you have taken your father's palate and ran with it.  I couldn't be more proud.

But can I tell you what the sweetest thing that you do is?  You reach.  You reach for me when I get close to you.  I love it.  My heart swells so big when I walk over to you in your bouncer, you smile oh-so-big, and lift up your arms to me to be picked up.  It'll never get old.  Not ever.

Is it July already??  This time last year I was four months pregnant.  Now Gavin is six months old, and full of personality.

Today was a big day, but before I jump into it, there are a couple of small updates.  His current favorite game is Peek A Boo.  Give that kid a small blanket, a cloth diaper, or anything that size, and he'll grab the corners, raise it over his face, and hold it there.  Until someone says "Wheeeeere's Gavin??"  Then he lowers it quickly and smiles so big when you look at him and say "There he is!!!!"  He will do this over and over again.  It is a riot.

I can currently smoosh my face into his belly and send him into a fit of giggles.  He loves playing with me on the changing table.  I can stand him on his feet on the changing table and hold his hips, and he gives me the most excited faces.  He also likes to "kiss" me while he's up there.  Meaning, he leans over with his mouth wide open to plant it over mine.  It's adorable, and I love his gummy, drooly kisses.  He smiles so much now, and at so many people.  This kid loves to learn.  He takes in everything around him and notices every detail.  He's trying so so so hard to push up and crawl.  He gets on his belly (and sleeps that way now), and kicks and kicks and kicks his little legs like he is under water.  Once this guy understands how to get himself up, he's going to be off like the road runner.

Some quick stats: He's in 6-9 month clothes on most things.  There's still a few 3-6 pieces that still fit.  :sniff:  He's wearing size 2 shoes.  He's 18.8 pounds, 27.5 inches long.  Meaning he's leaning out in percentiles.  He's getting taller than most kids his age, but he's leaning out.  His noggin is 43.5 centimeteres, putting him in the 45th percentile.  Little less than average sized noggin.  Interesting.  We'll have to see how that one plays out.

His doctor visit went well today.  He was excited and happy to see everyone that smiled at him.  He took to the exam like a champ, and was told that he was sitting up like a nine month old would do [proud mama grinned].  His motor skills look excellent, as are his senses.  So that is all good news.  Oh.  And his boys dropped.  Important, and not really a good segway to introduce that bit of info, so there it is.

We talked about my concerns with solids, when to feed him, how much, how often, what to feed him, etc.  We talked about my concerns with his gross motor skills and how I can manage his environment to give him a better benefit in that arena.  We talked about plastics, shampoos, sunscreen, and teething.  We talked a lot about the vaccination he was to be receiving that day as well.

We waited to give him his immunizations at six months so we would have a good handle on his personality and his daily routine.  So we would better see abnormal symptoms and know how to deal with them.  He was given the Hib vaccine today.  He was crying when I laid him on the table out of hunger and bordom protest to begin with, so when it came time to stick him (and yes, I had to be the one to help hold him down), all he did was pause for a second, then cry harder.  I felt awful.  But I picked him right up, scooped up our stuff, and moved him into the nursing room; where I proceeded to nurse and comfort him a bit.  There were a few more tears to be had, but overall, he was such a tough little guy.  Once he was fed, he was quiet, and calmed down.  And once he was in the car, he passed out, but not cold.  He had a low grade fever for the rest of the afternoon.  The poor kid slept from 12 noon until 5.

Gavin also had his first run with bananas and a sippy cup tonight.  The first being more successful than the second.  I put his biggest bib on him, grabbed a spoon, buckled him in his high chair, and for the first time, didn't give him blocks to play with.  The beginning of the end.  I started by giving him a couple of teeny spoonfuls to give him a chance to check out the texture and flavor, and see if he liked it.  After that, there was no stopping him.  He grabbed the spoon, and after smashing it into the side of his face, he made it to his mouth (bananas smeared all over the left side of his face), were he proceeded to suck off every last bit.  I took the spoon, put more 'nanas on it, then gave it back for more experimentation.  It was a smidge messy, but he got the idea really quick!

He got through about a quarter of a jar when he called it quits and decided he wanted Mama's Best instead of Earth's Best.  I tried to give him a sippy cup after wiping him clean with some water, but that was a no go.  He really didn't care for that at all... but I think it's just because I wet his appetite, and all he wanted was milk.

It was a big day for this little man.  But he handled it well.  I'm hoping he gets a good night's sleep after going to bed at 11pm, and dozes a little tomorrow morning to help get his bearings back to normal.  Breakfast at 9:30am of bananas again and milk.  Two more square meals (with two milk breaks in between), and we'll be off for his six month portraits.  I hope the later time suits him a bit better.  But we'll post up some pictures once we have them done.

Six months already.  Time is flying.

Dear Matt,

My husband, and the father of my son... we have been given an amazing blessing.  As your son has grown, he has become so fascinated with you.  He loves your voice, he loves your laugh, he loves when you simply look at him.  I have never seen a kid light up so much as when you sing Dr. Worm just for his amusement.

I always knew you would be an amazing dad, but to see you in action just moves my heart to new heights.  You're a different man than you were before we had him.  I can't put my finger on it, but it's a good kind of different.

We celebrated your first Father's Day with you today.  I'm not quite sure how you felt about "being a father" or "celebrating as a father" ... but as you touched Gavin's head so softly during the church service where he was dedicated, I saw how much you loved our child.  One simple gesture spoke volumes.

You're going to be Gavin's hero, even if you keep your cape tucked inside your shirt.  I see so many days ahead of Gavin squealing from the back of our house "daaaaaaddyyyyyyy!!!" as he slams himself into your legs for a big hug.  I see wrestling matches, games of catch, and building forts.  I see Gavin learning so many things from you.  I see him growing into a fine man; a man who will exemplify the incredible values and morals you will help instill in him.

And Matt?  He couldn't learn it from a better man. 

I love you.

Happy Father's Day, and may many more follow.

Love,
Candy

Gavin... Where's Mommy?  [you turn your head and smile the biggest grins when your eyes meet mine]

I'm loooking at yoooou [I put my nose on your nose and stare in your eyes.  You smile the most when I do this to you]

Git em git em git em git em!!! [I tickle you under your arms and snuzzle my face into your neck.  This sends you into a fit of giggles]

Mama's gonna git em!! [This happens right before git em git em, after the first one, just me saying this makes you laugh]

Shake your booty! [During a wet diaper change, I shake your little baby butt.]

Sooooo biiiig! [I hold your arms up and say sooooo biiiiiig in a sing-song voice.]

Flyyyyyying baby!! [I pick you up and raise you in the air above my head; you've only nailed me with drool a couple of times, but the big grins are worth it.]